In the wake of a health scare, I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in years. Mainly because the scare was, well, just a scare. And like all scares, it did its job. It terrified me into appreciating life and reminded me that I have no entitlement to tomorrow.
With my characters, I don’t know exactly how they’re going to react until a situation presents itself to them. Yes, it’s a situation I created. But as all writers know, it’s as surprising to us as it is to our readers how our own fictional people respond. Some are weaker than we expected, some stronger. And if the scenario is stressful enough, it’s sometimes the very thing that changes them altogether.
That’s how I’ve felt over the last few weeks. I’ve changed. Maybe not in the way I show myself to the world, but definitely in the way I feel inside. And as we all know, our thoughts affect our feelings, which impact our behavior, and so on.
In my heart, I’m thankful for the scare. I needed it. And I never want to go back to just going through the motions in life.
The hardest part for me now is watching others live without having had my same epiphany. I want them to see what I see, even though I know it’s impossible. You can never truly appreciate what you have until it’s almost taken away from you. Not even when you see it happening to someone you love. You can empathize, sure. But, you can’t really understand.
I don’t wish health scares (or any scares for that matter) on anyone. But I do wish for something amazing to happen to each of us so we learn to embrace life in its entirety.
Life is funny. I started writing this blog to connect with people and talk about “embracing the unknown” in life, like I do in my fiction writing, specifically in the paranormal genre. Yet I have a new understanding of what it means to embrace the unknown as I learn to love my life in unexpected ways. I try not to fight things as much, but let them be what they are. Let people be who they’re going to be, even if their choices aren’t my cup of coffee (not a tea girl!). Instead, I disagree respectfully and move on. I can’t control anyone or anything but myself. And so I do.
In addition to all of the heartfelt emotions I’ve had these past few weeks, not knowing if I was healthy or about to embark on the fight of my life, I’ve confirmed and validated my pure, unadulterated love of writing.
Writing, like any love, releases butterflies in my stomach. My heart skips a beat when I think of click clacking away on my laptop keyboard, even if I have no idea what I’m going to say. Like these blog posts, which I spew from the heart quite quickly, writing stirs a melting pot of wonderful feelings inside of me. Some bursting to emerge and others I have to reach down deep inside to retrieve.
No matter what’s going on in my life, I can count on one thing for sure – I’m happiest when I’m writing.
And I vow to do it more often. I may need to say “No” to other things, but I’ll say “Yes” to myself. If I’ve learned anything from my recent ordeal it’s that happiness is contagious. If I’m going to be good to others, I must be good to myself first.
There’ll be more hurdles. I’m positive of it. But overall, life is good.