Kristina Rienzi

Positive Psychology Coach & Bestselling Author

Kristina Rienzi’s Blog

Choosing MY Happy

Life

I lived in a dark, dark place for many years after losing my mom to cancer. It took a leap of faith for me to make happiness a priority in my life. I choose happiness with every decision I make, from the simplest (what to wear) to the most difficult (what direction I want my life to go). Yet, there are times when this commitment I made to myself seems impossible to fulfill. Like now.

With my mom’s birthday just around the corner, I find myself in a dark funk again. I’m poo-pooing my ability to choose happiness right now, even when it’s a mantra I genuinely believe. Anyone grieving will tell you that happiness is the LAST thing on their mind when their heart is wrenching with loss. It seems impossible.

Happiness isn’t just a feeling. It’s a lifelong journey. There are times when we’re going to feel deep grief, sadness, anger, fear…and that’s okay because all feelings are important. Denying those negative feelings isn’t helpful. Honoring our feelings, no matter what they are, does help, so long as we don’t get stuck in that dark place for too long.

Making the commitment to living my happiest life, something my mom would be doing for herself if she were here, and, of course, would want for me, is all about choices.

So in my grief-sadness-funk, my way of choosing happiness is to take care of myself. This looks like NOT putting my clean laundry away, letting it sit in the basket another day while I watch my favorite show. It’s eating that piece of chocolate, even though I’m watching my waistline because it brings me comfort. It’s buying my mom’s birthstone earrings to wear because it’s something I would have done for her, and it’s honoring her life in a small way. And it’s also working on finishing my happiness book because it’s a passion project from my heart that brings me joy.

Happiness is indeed a choice, but the way you choose it may not be what you think. You don’t just decide to be happy, and VOILA!, you’re happy! It doesn’t work that way. Choices come with intentions, and those intentions lead to actions that feed your feelings of happiness. These choices, in combination, keep you on your path to a happy life. It’s a process, over time, not instantaneous…nothing worth having is.

So take a deep breath, relax and know that your happiest life is possible – just give yourself a chance. One choice at a time!

Social Media Stress

Psychology

Anyone with a social media account understands the feeling of scrolling mindlessly online, losing time you’ll never get back, as it disappears into a black hole. You look up and notice you’ve been online for an hour. You feel drained and maybe a little depressed, but after a brief break, you go back to see the latest post on your feed. And the cycle continues…feeding the social media stress.

Even though you may think going online will make you happy, the truth is, it won’t. Happiness declines with social media interaction. It’s counterintuitive since connection increases happiness. Confusing, right? It is but doesn’t have to be. The answer is simple.

Being socially connected DOES increase happiness, but more so when it’s in person or in a one-on-one connection. When you’re online, chances are, you’re not truly connecting on a deep and personal, human level. Even if you have some positive interactions, most media you’re likely consuming is negative, which can lead you to feel bad.

I’m online as much as the next person. As a writer, building connections online is essential. Not only am I sharing my author-adventures with my readers, but I’m connecting on a human level, and that’s really important to me. But knowing it WILL NOT make me feel happy, I am mindful of my emotions and adjust my usage accordingly.

The key to protecting my happiness online lies in my self-awareness. And yours, too.

Unconsciously sacrificing your time, mental health, relationships, and real-life experiences for a short-lived social high, time and time again, is a red flag. When we aren’t paying attention, we can allow the negativity to embody who we are. We start showing up in life, emulating who we don’t want to be without even realizing it.

It’s essential to know how social media makes you FEEL and make choices based on those feelings. If you genuinely feel good while scrolling, liking, and commenting, keep going! Alternatively, when you find your mood changing, take notice. All emotions are valuable indicators of what’s important to us. Feeling sad or angry isn’t bad. It tells us what we want or don’t want, who we want to be or not be in life. Simply being aware and consciously choosing whether we engage or disengage will foster feelings of empowerment and happiness.

For more on social media and happiness, see “How you use social media affects your sense of happiness” by Chrissy Sexton.

If you ever feel social media stress, like I often do, take a step back. Be aware of your feelings and choose to take any action that benefits YOU. Take care of yourself. You’ll feel happier, and those around you will reap the benefits of your happy energy. Social media will still be there, ready for the happier version of YOU!

You can do this! I’m here for you! 

Happy First Impressions

Writing

We’ve all heard the saying you have one chance to make a first impression. I’ve been thinking about this mantra a lot lately. First impressions are at the top of my mind as I prepare to complete and release my debut self-development book on happiness.

My happiness book is a passion project for me. I worry about it being the best it can be and doing what I intended: to help people find happiness. I have no control over how it will ultimately be received, its first impression. But I have all the control over what I put into it, including my happy energy.

In writing and in life, I strive to make an excellent first impression, second, third, etc. For me, it isn’t as much about the exterior (although people naturally judge a book by its cover, literally and figuratively), but the interior. To shine from the inside out, I must choose how I will show up in life, whether I’m interacting with someone for the first time or one hundredth.

People are flawed; we make mistakes. We have struggles, and life isn’t always easy. I’m not exempt from any of those challenges, and I work really hard to make choices that help me move toward a happier life. Being proactive (taking action on purpose) versus reactive (only responding to what happens to me) puts me in control of my life and makes room for happiness.

I believe this is just as important for books as for people. I personally spend MANY hours of my life reading books and listening to audiobooks. Taking care of the story from the inside out is noticeable. It makes readers fall in love with the book and the author.

Whether we’re interacting or you’re reading my books, my goal is to make a happy first impression every single time. I promise my books will have the heart and soul that is mirrored in my life.

Whatever first impression you want to make on the world, do it from the inside out. Make a conscious choice about who you want to be, how you want to show up, and then have the courage to be the amazing, authentic YOU and wait for happiness to follow!

What are your thoughts on this topic? I’d love to hear from you.

Back to Balance

Inspiration

With Pina-Coladas in our rearview and Pumpkin Spice Lattes up ahead, it’s time to shift gears, beverage and otherwise. Summer was all about relaxation for me. Taking the time to enjoy the sun and fun promised to me all winter long. And I honestly did, without regrets. Relaxation mode, while necessary, also slowed me down with my goals. I tend to operate in an all-or-nothing in life: I’m all in, and then I burn out.

If you’re like me, finding balance is a challenge. Giving yourself permission to rest when you’re in the zone can be as hard as getting back on the treadmill when you’ve been off for too long. I get it. Like the saying, a body in motion stays in motion, habits in motion stay in motion. They stick. Finding balance and having the best of both worlds can seem impossible when you get in the habit of working too much or relaxing too much.

But it’s not. Now’s the time to press that reset button and start over. Get back to basics…back to balance. Being in balance leads to feelings of peace, joy, and happiness. Let the change in season spark a habit change, moving you toward happiness.

For balance to happen, you need to be productive, and you need to rest. One without the other will throw you into an unhealthy cycle of all or nothing. To get yourself out, start small. Commit to the minimum work you need to be productive, then commit to rest. You can do this daily, allotting yourself time for both. Or you can do it weekly, like me. I’m off Saturdays and Sundays from EVERYTHING. I cram it all in my Monday through Friday to relax on the weekends with no commitments and full engagement in my relaxation and fun.

I encourage you to try both methods and others and see what works for you. Email me to let me know how it goes: [email protected] Then keep it going! If you have an off week, no worries, start again on Monday. Like with any successful outcome, it’s about resiliency. Nothing is perfect, but if you commit to balancing, you will find it.

To read more about the relationship between balance in life and happiness, check out this article, “The Key to Happiness is a Balanced Life.”

Getting back to balance is all about taking care of yourself. This recovering workaholic, people-pleasing, self-neglecter promises you that change IS possible. And it all starts with a CHOICE to choose YOU.

You can do it! I’m here for you! 

Secret to Success

Inspiration

I’ve heard a time or two million that you need to be successful to be happy. You must accomplish some goal or reach some level in life—be it social, professional, or otherwise—before you will feel good. Success comes, and happiness follows.

Countless times I’ve heard people (including myself) say, “I’ll be happy when this or that happens” or “After I get through this week, I’ll be happy.” Achieving something seems to be a generic barometer for happiness. I get it. We think our happiness is a reward in the future after we’ve proven ourselves one way or another. I’ve been there, and I visit that place often, still, because I’m human.

But, I’ll let you in on a bit of secret: we’ve got it ALL WRONG.

In fact, I DO know the secret to success. How can that be if everyone’s definition of success is personal? Because the secret to success is UNIVERSAL.

Success is really about an innate desire we all have: TO BE HAPPY. I’m not talking about FEELING happy, which is a naturally fleeting emotion. I’m focusing on BEING happy, which is SO much more than a feeling. It’s a STATE of well-being, a deep sense of joy. Yes, we have moments of feeling happy. Still, the true happiness humans instinctively seek is a sense of PEACE and JOY under the surface that is ever-present even when we’re feeling anything BUT happy.

Happiness is the secret. It’s the fuel for any kind of success you want in life. Be it a better relationship, the career of your dreams, or just the calm feeling inside when life is storming around you. Success doesn’t come first. Happiness does.

Happiness is not a destination but a journey. That’s why it’s called ‘the pursuit of happiness.’ We’re on the path to happiness throughout our entire lives. Happiness may quickly show up when extraordinary things happen and then become a little more distant when things aren’t so awesome. Instead of waiting for happiness to show itself or announce that it has arrived, why not put it in your hands? The truth is, all you need to access happiness is YOU.

Doing something small every day that brings you joy will make it easier to access YOUR HAPPY and help you find your way to YOUR happier life. I’m not saying it’s easy, especially when life throws rocks at you at every turn, and you see no end in sight. It’s important to remember that YOU have the power to push the stones aside and keep going.

When something crappy happens, feelings of sadness or anger (or any negative emotion) are TOTALLY normal, natural, and appropriate. In fact, suppressing these emotions isn’t healthy, even though they don’t feel so good. Alternatively, it’s ESSENTIAL to embrace and honor how you feel and what you’re going through, no matter how painful.

Then when you catch your breath and you’re ready, pay attention to the peace, calm, and sense of well-being beneath the surface. Your happiness is there to remind you that you are always one choice away from accessing your joy. The more you choose to lean into it, the easier it will be. And over time (not overnight!), it will become your natural state.

Success and happiness go hand in hand, but happiness ALWAYS comes first. If you want to be successful, make happiness a priority in your life. Start TODAY! Do ONE thing that brings you joy each day. Little by little, happiness will multiply, and what you want in this life will follow.

Remember, you’re not alone. I’m on this happiness journey with you, and I’m here for YOU!

If you want to read more on how happiness creates success (and not the other way around), check out this article on Web MD, “Happiness Comes First, Success Follows.” 

Let me know your thoughts! I’d love to hear from you.

Follow Your Happy Energy

Inspiration

Ever feel like life is pulling you in too many directions at the same time? Once you get comfortable in a groove, your focus shifts because something else needs your attention. Everything happens at once, and it’s busy all around. Your overwhelmed and OVER it.

Happiness is the LAST thing on your mind. Heck, you’re just trying to get through the day!

If you can relate, I’m with you…and then some. My energy has been all over the place lately. Life’s been pulling me around so much it’s making me dizzy. My to-do list continues to grow by leaps and bounds, and my calendar is booked months in advance. All of my time is accounted for. I don’t even know what I’m doing next until it’s about to happen.

Happiness isn’t on the agenda. And the only person I have to blame for that is myself.

I struggle with choosing what brings me joy versus what my responsibilities tell me to do. I’m a rule-follower, a planner. Spontaneity, quite frankly, stresses me out. That’s why I needed a plan to deal with these kinds of decisions, and managing my time isn’t enough. The truth is, I can’t add any more hours to the day. I wish I could!

But what I can manage is my energy. And focusing on happiness is a choice. So I follow my happy energy, and you can, too.

Your happy energy is always there, under the surface. Even more so when you try to ignore it. It lingers, never really going away. You may find yourself drifting away from the present moment, thinking about what you love, even feeling guilty about ignoring it.

That’s because when you have a love for something, a passion, it lives inside of you. Even if you try to push it down under the surface, it’s always there, waiting to bring you joy.

Life is too short not to pay attention to what makes you happy. When your heart is pulling you toward something, GO, GO, GO! To ignore that desire is to ignore your HAPPY energy. It doesn’t mean you bail on your responsibilities because you’d rather do something fun, and making dinner and doing laundry doesn’t cut it. It means you PAY ATTENTION to what brings you JOY, and DO MORE of those things, as much as you can.

Don’t ignore your happy energy. In fact, put it at the TOP of your to-do list. When you’re happy, it spills into all parts of your life and the lives of those around you. Following the happy energy means you can do the laundry, make dinner, hell, even pay bills, and feel good inside because you took care of yourself.

In a life full of choices, why not CHOOSE to focus on what brings you joy?

Follow your happy energy now! Feel GOOD. Do more of what you love. When managing your energy, make HAPPINESS your top priority.

What brings your happy energy alive? List THREE things that bring you joy, then go do ONE of them every single day. 

FOLLOW YOUR HAPPY ENERGY. You can do this! I’m here for you!