Kristina Rienzi

Certified Professional Coach

Kristina Rienzi’s Blog

Just Show Up

Books, Coaching, Inspiration, Life, Psychology, Wellness

Leggings. Bun. No makeup. Isolation. Emails. Laundry. Dishes. Worry. Caffeine. Netflix. Booze. Sadness.
Can you relate?

It’s how many of us live these days, working at home amid pandemic life. Craving pre-COVID times, missing our loved ones and the freedoms we once had while being bombarded by all to-dos—work, family, personal and random. We’re STILL negotiating an unknown future alongside our unpredictable emotions.

It’s important to remember that we’ve never been here before. We’ve never lived through such a crisis on so many levels, happening to every one of us in some way. We have no coping skills for the loss we feel in all areas of our life.
We can undoubtedly access our empathy and recall other times we’ve felt this off, but it’s not quite the same. We’re navigating rough, unknown waters, and over time, it takes its toll.

In an ordinary world, having a bazillion goals might be your gold standard. It was for me. Times have changed, and so should our standards. We need to give ourselves a break. Be kind to our situation, one we didn’t create. Let go of what is overwhelming and do our best to simply get by.

It’s incredible if you can check off the 236 items on your list in a week. However, if you’re like me and only accomplish one or two things, that’s good enough. The fact that you’re trying, showing up for life, is what’s most important right now.

Give yourself permission to do less of what stresses you out and more of what brings you joy. Know you’re doing the best you can with what you have and that’s all you can do.

If you’re still struggling through this pandemic in one way or another, like most of us are, let go of your unrealistic expectations. Do what you can do and let it be okay.

Tomorrow is another day. The laundry will be there, I promise. However, the present moment will be gone. Take time to live in it, enjoy it. It’s what life is made up of, endless present moments.

No matter what, if you JUST SHOW UP for life, it’s not only something. It’s the most important thing.

Comfort and Joy

Books, Coaching, Creativity, Inspiration, Life, Psychology, Wellness, Writing

2020 has been quite a year—more downs than ups for most with no end in sight. With the holiday season upon us, so many people struggle to find the happy in Happy Holidays. 

My family is no exception. It seems the closer we get to the most-wonderful-time-of-the-year, the more challenges we face. Still, I light my tree all day, every day. Christmas songs and movies are my home’s backdrop. I snuggle with my Merry Christmas blanket every night. 

Most importantly, I seek comfort and joy in my daughter’s kisses, my Peke’s snuggles, my husband’s humor, Christmas lights, a sip of wine, anything. Even with a pang in my heart, I choose the comfort and joy of the holidays. 

I pray all is merry and bright in your world, and you’re in the best place of your life. But if things are off and you’re hurting for any reason, I wish you comfort and joy. 

Comfort in your memories. Comfort in the warmth of your home. Comfort in the love surrounding you.

Joy in the magic of the season. Joy in the miracles all around you. Joy in the limitless possibilities of life. 

Whatever your heart needs this season, I wish it for you. 

From my home to yours, sending comfort, joy, and love to you and yours! Here’s to a bright and beautiful New Year!

What is Happiness?

Books, Coaching, Creativity, Inspiration, Life, Psychology, Wellness, Writing

What does happiness mean to you? 

Recently I was on the Douglas Coleman Show, and he dove into a discussion around my pursuit of a Certificate in Happiness Studies (CiHS). Beyond my degrees in counseling psychology, I’m super interested in the field of positive psychology—specifically, the study of happiness. 

To some, happiness is a new car, a clean bill of health, a promotion, or even the sunrise. Happiness varies based on the person, making it difficult to generalize since we all come from a different perspective about what it means to us. 

Tying to explain happiness in general terms gave me pause. Happiness looks different to each of us based on our frame of reference. The first thing to consider, always, is what something means to you. 

Happiness as well-being

When discussing the study of happiness with Douglas, the best way to describe the definition in general terms is the concept of well-being. More so, whole-person well-being, or whole-being, as coined by my CiHS Harvard professor, Tal Ben-Shahar. 

In other words, happiness or well-being isn’t just one thing. It’s not only your physical, your mental, or your emotional well-being (to name a few); it’s everything in a symbiotic relationship with each other. There’s a constant balance in life for your well-being. We work on this every day. That’s why when something is unbalanced—say you pulled out your shoulder as I did recently—other things are in cloudy focus. If you were asked if you were happy when you were in pain, you may feel good overall, but that pain might be your focus. 

Examining happiness universally across cultures and time, there is one thing that seems to be consistent. True happiness comes from a deep, personal connection with our life purpose. 

Your life purpose

In other words, why are YOU here? What is YOUR unique purpose in life?

Many believe their purpose in life is to be a parent or commit to a passionate work role. While I think we play out our purpose that way (I certainly do in my work and my role as a mom), it is who we are uniquely at our core that gives our life meaning. 

Who do you want to be? Kind? Loving? Empathetic? Are you pursuing your passions and giving away your gifts? Maybe you were born with a unique talent for music or communications. Are you using those in a way that has a positive ripple effect on the world? In essence, are you making the very best of your time here? Are you showing up in life as exactly who you want to be, knowing your life has meaning and purpose no matter how conscious you are of it? 

Maybe our path to true happiness is recognizing how special we are and working every single day to share a little more of that person with the world. 

Food for thought, my dear friends. To hear more on this topic and leave a legacy of YOU behind, listen to my inspirational interview with the Douglas Coleman Show. 

Remember, you being here on this Earth, alive, TODAY is purposeful and meaningful. The more you appreciate yourself for who you indeed are, the bigger the positive imprint you will leave on this world. We need more of that. We need more of YOU. 

Social Media Blues

Books, Coaching, Inspiration, Life, Psychology, Wellness

Recently, I did something bold, and so NOT me. Without warning or redirection, I flat out, cold-turkey QUIT Facebook and Twitter.

Gasp. Gulp. Grr.

All of the above. I mean, how can an author/coach building a brand do such a thing? What’s wrong with me? Nothing! But something IS going on. And it’s the same thing that’s going on with many of you. 

The Social Media Blues. 

You know, that addictive pull to scroll for endless amounts of time while missing out on…well…life! Then once you’re in, it’s a frantic review of post after post. Do you comment? Or just click an emoticon? Or ignore? So many decisions! After a short time, you feel a pit in your stomach. You feel worse and worse about yourself and your life. 

All of a sudden, you have an epiphany. You’re not where you’re supposed to be. You have the wrong house. The wrong hair. The wrong LIFE. You’re definitely not good enough, with a dash of you don’t belong. So you shut the phone off and go eat a bag of Doritos (my personal fave). And still, you feel horrible wallowing in salt and sorrow. 

That is until the one you love walks into the room, and your shoulders fall a little. Then your little one runs over for a hug, and your heart melts. Next, you get an email from a work colleague giving you kudos for a job well done. Little by little, you start to feel better. And you realize THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Your life is great. It’s not perfect, no one’s is, but it’s a GOOD life, full of love and happiness in all the places that matter. 

The problem isn’t you. It’s the social media blues.

Time for a break? Maybe to deactivate? Only you know what’s best for you. If social media is no longer the connection you crave, no longer the place to go to feel less alone, no longer the party online it once was, it’s time to let it go. 

Quitting social media altogether is no easy decision. For the record, I’m still on Instagram and Pinterest (because I love organization and creative ideas). The jury’s still out on IG for me. I’m not sure if I’ll keep it for personal, business, both or dump it. I’ve been staying away and seeing how I feel. So far, no love lost. 

What did I find? I have more time to spend with those I love, time to get projects done around the house, and time to just BE. I can watch more Hallmark Christmas movies! Write! Love. Live. Be Happy. For me, that’s so important. 

If social media brings you joy, makes you feel connected, and adds value and happiness to your life, by all means, enjoy it! That’s what it’s there for. But if you’re like me and so many I talk to, and it doesn’t make you feel like the awesome person you indeed are, don’t be afraid to let it go. Your people will still be there for you. And you’ll have my inspiration whenever you need it. I’m here for you! You don’t need social media to find me. And I hope we’ll stay connected no matter how you reach out. 

My wish is for you to be happy and enjoy every moment of your life. To live with courage in your soul and love in your heart. Whatever it takes, don’t let anyone or anything make you feel less than. You are MORE THAN ENOUGH.

I believe in you!

Stressed? Just Rest

Coaching, Inspiration, Life, Psychology, Wellness

Feeling overwhelmed? Stressed? Have too much on your plate?
Me too!

Beyond the pandemic, life seems to be moving at warp speed these days. I thought it was just me, but more and more people I talk to, I hear the same thing: “I can’t keep up.”

You would think we’d have more time on our hands since most of us are still primarily home, be it working from home or otherwise restricting our time out of the house because of COVID-19. Yet, our schedules are filling up just the same as when we were out and about.

Why is that? Has the world found a way to keep us busy even when downtime is seemingly at our fingertips? Or is it us?

I’m going with the latter. Busy is not only a lifestyle. It’s also a mindset. And if it’s yours, you understand. It certainly is mine! And it’s time for a break. A breath. A reprieve.

So, what can we do? Stop working? Forget about our chores and responsibilities? Not so much. But we can make REST a PRIORITY.

In a busy workday, you can make it a point to build in 15 minutes between meetings (at a minimum; 30 minutes is preferred) as a break. Take 10 minutes to stand up, get a drink, grab a snack…whatever. The other five minutes are for you to focus on just BEING. Whether sitting alone, listening to a favorite song, or reading something calming, take five minutes for YOU. Use this time to reset, regroup, and be ready for your next commitment.

Importantly BEFORE you start working (whatever work looks like for you -on the computer, taking care of your kids, or managing the house), take 15 minutes for yourself. Midday, build in a lunch break of at least 30 minutes, if not an hour. AFTER work (or at least before dinner and nighttime for us parents where work is 24/7), take 15 minutes for yourself. Go for a walk. Sit in silence. Do whatever brings you peace.

To be productive, healthy, and happy, REST is critical. Restoration will allow you to be who you need to be, not only for yourself but for those who need you most. With your mind clear and your heart open, the present moment belongs to you.

Remember, when you’re feeling stressed, REST is the antidote.
Even if you don’t think you have time to rest amongst a wildly busy schedule, plan ahead and make it a priority.

You’re worth it!

Complain No More

Coaching, Inspiration, Life, Psychology

I am a huge fan of Dale Carnegie. He got it right almost 100 years ago in his book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” For me, it’s a behavior and relationship bible, and everyone should read it. 

Dale’s first principle is one I agree with yet often defy: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

Makes sense, right? It should be easy enough. You can bite your tongue on a criticism, hold back from condemning another, but how hard is it to NOT complain? As it turns out, near impossible.

I consider myself a pretty aware person—someone working on herself most of the time and super open to change wherever needed in my life. I also pride myself on being a positive person, extremely grateful, and overall HAPPY. 

Yet, when I stopped to notice my behavior, I realized I complain A LOT. WAY more than I would have reported on had I been asked. It surprised me because it made no sense. Here I am pursuing a Certificate in Happiness Studies, continually educating myself in coaching and human resources and failing. 

I know better. So why don’t I DO better?

The answer is the same for all of us who know better. We’re human. If we don’t make something a top priority, it falls by the wayside. It becomes another thing to do…like exercising, eating right, and sleeping…or maybe that’s just me. Hey, I’m a self-proclaimed work in progress, one thing at a time…I’ll get there! 

Looking into the effects of complaining, I learned some things that disturbed me. 

Complaining isn’t just something we do to do. It’s the way we communicate when we’re displeased and need to be heard. There is value in complaining and getting our feelings out, especially with someone we trust who supports us and can empathize. The problem is when complaining, with a lack of awareness and action, becomes a habit. Habits become our way of life, and the negativity can have devastating effects on our psyche and our physical health. 

It’s important to know that a complaint isn’t JUST a complaint. It triggers cortisol, a stress hormone, which, in turn, impairs our immune system. Moreover, it puts stress on our brains. This is not good for anyone who has a pre-disposition to illnesses like heart disease, diabetes, stroke, or a mental illness like anxiety and depression. 

Worse, when complaining becomes a way of life, it not only rewires your brain for negativity, but for a disease. 

That was definitely NOT my intention. So, I decided to do something about it and make it a priority, something I will change. 

The good news is, we have total control over complaining. We can stop the damage it causes in its tracks. And, we can rewire our brains for happiness and health with five simple steps. 

  1. Be Aware: Be aware of your words and how you feel when you say them. When a complaint flies out of your mouth (and it will), STOP. Take a moment and ask yourself, “What is really bothering me?” And, more importantly, “What can I do about it?” You can choose to take action, if possible, or let go of the complaint if it serves no purpose in your life. 
  2. Reframe: To reframe your mind into a positive mode, ask yourself, “What’s another way of looking at the situation?” It may be an opportunity for empathy if another person is the subject of your complaint. Or an opportunity for gratitude if it’s affecting you directly. 
  3. Choose: Decide to not complain about that same thing again. Once you’ve addressed it, let it go. With each choice, you will feel lighter and happier. 
  4. Commit: When the issue comes up again, slow down to remember your choice. Move forward with a deep breath and decision to let it go. 
  5. Complain No More! 

Committing to complain no more is like the books on my laptop, perpetual works in progress, like you and like me. If you complain from time to time, it’s not the end of the world. Things happen in life and we need to vent. Besides, you’re human, remember? Just don’t make it a habit. It’s not your destiny. You’re meant to live a happy life. Make this decision one of the steps you take toward feeling good every single day. 

Choose to complain no more for your happiness…and your health!