In a recent session with my coach (yes, coaches NEED coaches!), we explored how my default nature is to help people, which can also present a dark side that does the opposite.The happier I feel, the more I try to help others feel happy, even when they don’t ask for my help.
In trying to help, I’m not listening to what the other person wants or needs. Instead, I’m assuming it’s my responsibility to make them happy. Maybe happiness is what they need, but it’s not my job to give that to them. Only they have the power to give happiness to themselves by making happy choices that lead them there. My role is to be there for them, showing empathy, compassion, and love…not problem-solving, control, or judgment.
If this resonates with you, and you find yourself reaching out to help those you feel need it, even if they haven’t asked, and then you feel frustrated because they haven’t taken action and are still “unhappy,” you are not alone!
My coach reminded me of the below important points and can help all of us, even those who don’t struggle with helping syndrome, as I do! (Thank you, Marilyn Rose!)
- Respect the journey others have in life – it’s theirs to learn, grow, and choose.
- You don’t have to compromise your helping persona when you allow others to find their way in life.
- Instead of judging and solving all the problems, offer empathy and compassion. Navigating relationships is much easier than trying to fix them.
- Don’t allow the emotions of others to dictate your life, learn to LET THEM GO and instead focus on choosing how you want to show up in life.
- Strive for balance, not perfection!
Loving people and wanting to be there is a beautiful offering, something everyone needs in a friend and family member. Just remember, their version of a happy life, and yours, may differ, and that’s okay.
Here’s a suggestion to help get you there: offer empathy, compassion, and an open heart to the people in your life; let go of judgment, control, and expectations.
Sound complicated? It’s as easy as asking yourself if whatever is going on with them is yours to take on. If not, release what isn’t yours, and let their journey to happiness be theirs alone. Everyone deserves happiness. We’ll all get there one choice at a time.
You’ve got your happiness, and they’ve got theirs.
I’m sending you happy energy for a happy life, one choice at a time. Let this year be about Happy Me, Happy YOU!
Comment to share your perspective. I’d love to hear from you!
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A happier life is only 5 Happy Choices away!
In this energizing and thought-provoking self-help book, bestselling author and certified professional coach Kristina Rienzi reveals five simple and proven choices you can make today that lead to a happier life. Kristina’s education, experience, and advice highlight the simplicity of making specific choices that have the power to unleash happiness.